I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
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