I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
