you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I just cut my nipple shaving
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
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