i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
