friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Randomize
