I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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