I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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