she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
