i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
