I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
