fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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