She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
And then the night went full on bisexual.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
