And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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