It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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