Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize