it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Randomize
