did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
