Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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