Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I believe in your delicious
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
