Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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