enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
