He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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