Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
