Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
My life is pants optional.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize