my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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