I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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