Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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