We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
