he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
