i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
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