fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
