sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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