u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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