I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
