So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
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