filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
