This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
