my mouth tastes like poor choices
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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