her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Randomize
