my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
