I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize
