Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
