Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
