my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
