Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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