My boss' voice literally gives me gas
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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