FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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