playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
