i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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