Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
