She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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