What a fucking waste of an outfit
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Semen is not good for contacts.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
