i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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