honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
