Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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