My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
