oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
