I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
