So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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