the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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