bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
