I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize