you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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