Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
