I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
