he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
