btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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