Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
