3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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