Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
