are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
