I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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