Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
