He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
You need a sexual gate keeper
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
