So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize