If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
