I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
