I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize