i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
i just had sex bonerless
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
