I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Randomize
