the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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