I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize