I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize
