I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
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