So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
