Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
