Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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