trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
