I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize