Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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