It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
