so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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