my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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