Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
