i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize