I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
